Reclaiming Happiness
Author Nicola Phoenix believes happiness is a journey, not just a choice, when facing life's struggles.
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By Vicky Thompson
Originally published March 1, 2012 Is happiness a choice? You can choose to be happy, but that’s only one part of making daily choices for your highest good, according to Nicola Phoenix, author of Reclaiming Happiness. Happiness comes when you do what’s right for you, such as safely expressing your anger or not basing happiness on being with another person. “As soon as you step onto a pathway to being more conscious, that choice is the first step of happiness. So don’t worry if you think, ‘I am not happy every day,’” says Phoenix, who is a psychologist based in the U.K. “Instead, think of the choice that every single day you are making the conscious effort to move away from your suffering thoughts.” Letting Go of Anger Pent-up anger is one type of suffering thought that can keep you from feeling happy, yet many people don’t know how to safely express their anger. “When we are living a very conscious life, we often feel bad for being angry. But if we look at any stage of healing and acceptance, anger is actually part of that process,” says Phoenix, who struggled with anger when an outsider hurt a member of her family. “My anger turned into digestive problems. I was in so much pain. I could barely eat a normal meal for three weeks.” With her health and happiness at risk, Phoenix would write a letter each week to the outsider, freely expressing her anger at how life had been altered by the person’s actions. “Week after week, slowly that anger just went because I let it go in a very safe way. I didn’t send the person the letter. I simply wrote down all my feelings and I put it in the trash bin. I would say to myself as I walked away, ‘Now it is gone,’” shares Phoenix. So Happy Together As emotional beings, we’re hardwired to connect with others. But is it a good strategy to base happiness on being with a significant other? When her husband left for a month-long visit to his mother, Phoenix acutely missed him that first day alone. However, she quickly realized she’d be one unhappy camper if she spent the entire month pining for him. So she made a conscious choice to be happy. “I am going to have to, in every single present moment when he is away, bring myself to my own happiness and learn that I am not reliant on him for feeling good,” says Phoenix. During that month she started new activities and nurtured herself, finding peace in being on her own for a while. When her husband returned, he discovered a new woman, in touch with her own happiness. Phoenix believes that we are all right now and in every way totally complete. The inner magnificence that is you is good enough to be happy. Vicky Thompson is the editor-in-chief of New Connexion. |
Nicola Phoenix
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